*BDSM SPECIAL* Friday's Frank Talk

**** B.D.S.M. SPECIAL****

Friday’s Frank Talk

Welcome to a BDSM Special Edition of Friday’s Frank Talk. This whole week I have been delving deep into the elusive world of BDSM. So far I have introduced to you some wonderful writer’s and their works as they live their lives in the BDSM World. Today, these INTRIGUEING Authors have agreed to sit down with me in a very personal interview not only to discuss their works, but what it’s like living the lifestyle they write about.

This whole week has been very eye-opening for me. I have learned a great many things about BDSM that I never knew before, like how it all began to abuse of power. Through it all I have learned that not everything is as it seems and mainly it’s a LIFESTYLE CHOICE.

Please welcome, Master Reggie Alexander, Eeza Alexander and Slave Kasi!

Good Morning everyone and thank you for being here, typically I start right on in with the fun questions, but today, there are some questions that readers want to know before we get to the good stuff. I’ll start with them first.

 Master Reggie…Can you please introduce these two lovely ladies…

            Absolutely; I would love to, first is my lovely wife Eeza. She and I have been married for 28 years and were high school sweethearts. My other beautiful partner is my slave Kasi. She has been a part of our lives for the past six years.

If it’s alright with you Master Reggie, I would like to start with the Eeza…

1.      Good Morning Eeza. This whole week, I have been interviewing your husband and his submissive. Readers are curious about you. Are you a submissive too?

Ha ha, I would say politely NO! The whole power exchange thing is something I don’t have a lot of interest in but if I were, and yes Reggie wishes I were submissive, I would probably be a brat. To me a brat is someone who is submissive but strong willed and not as compliant as many submissives.

2.      What is your role in this trio?

I view my role in this trio as being a supportive wife and partner. I work hard with Reggie and Kasi in the chainmail business and am working to join them in the ranks of published authors. I am a bit slower at getting my WIP done but it is coming along.

3.      Do you participate in the D/s scene with your husband?

No, that is their thing but I do support their dynamic and encourage them to explore it.

4.      How well do you and Kasi get along? Are there any spats?

We get along pretty well. In the beginning it was awful, I thought we had all of the issues worked out before we had her join us but once it was real I found I had a lot of jealousy issues. Reggie was not as good at juggling the new dynamic then as he is now, but it was new and had a steep learning curve. Now kasi and I get along well and spend a lot of time together.

 As to spats, of course, if I said no I would be lying. We’re all just human and nothing is perfect all of the time. But we have learned how to work through the spats and not take them personally, everyone gets cranks sometimes but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. This is essentially a threeway marriage, and you have to work through the difficulties to keep it healthy.

5.      Who does most of the cooking?

Kasi and I split it, she cooks the first half of the week and I cook the second half. She likes to prepare low carb meals and I like to prepare new twists on a gluten free diet. We recently had to start that for our daughters and the low carb and gluten free work pretty well together so it is a fun adventure.

6.      When in public, does your husband show affection to Kasi? If so, who does that make you feel?

Yes, he shows both of us affection in public. Every once in a while I do get a spark of jealousy and I have to reign it in and focus on the healthy relationship that we have.

7.      Most women today can barely handle one man, let alone another woman in a relationship. How do you do it?

Lots and Lots of patience, lol. When things are challenging I just focus on the benefits of the relationship and let go of the bad thoughts. I have learned a number of coping techniques, like taking bubble baths and reading so I have the  time to think before I say things that I don’t mean. It keeps me from hurting those I love with meaningless anger.

8.      Looking back over the years, are you happy with the decision you made to include Kasi into your home?

Yes! I am glad we brought her into our relationship. It has made my husband a happier person. Her addition has allowed us to accomplish many of the goals that we hadn’t managed before she joined us like starting a family business. There is never any loneliness either; there is always someone to share time with.

9.      Are you happy where your life has taken you?

Yes, I am very happy and looking forward to see where the future will lead us.

 

Master Reggie, do I have permission to ask Kasi some questions? Yes, please do.

            Good Morning Kasi.

1.      This week, I had the opportunity to talk with you and you told me you were once married. How did your former marriage shape you to where you are today?

My ex-husband was the one who introduced me to BDSM. He had gotten involved online, but he wasn’t willing to go to any public BDSM places. We were both submissive, as well, so I got a good idea of what I did and didn’t want in a partner after that marriage ended and I began looking around.

2.      You wear a collar. Can you please tell me what that collar means to you?

My collar symbolizes my commitment to our relationship. It’s not unlike a wedding ring, although there are no legal implications. To me it simply means that I won’t leave the relationship without putting everything I have into making it work.

3.      In your very first public scene, can you describe how you were feeling?

Very exposed, very vulnerable, very nervous. It’s not easy to get used to being undressed in public—probably for just about anybody. Fortunately having been around the clubs and knowing that all body types, sizes and ages are appreciated and nobody was going to judge me for not being perfect helped a lot. Once you get past that fear, the play aspect is actually much easier to get used to.

4.      A reader wants to know…Are you a good sub or a naughty sub?

Of course I TRY to be good. J I do take my role very seriously, since I chose it. My goal is to use our M/s relationship to help me develop into the best person I can be. But then, no one can be good 100% of the time, can they? I admit I have things I like to tease Sir about, but he usually takes it pretty well.

5.      Where do you sleep?

We all sleep in the same bed.

6.      Research shows that most submissives tend to be quiet, very organized, and eager to help but yet shy away from attention and praise. Is that true?

In my experience, most submissives are that way, although usually the ones who are ultra-organized and efficient tend to think of themselves as slaves, since it has a more serious sound. We tend to gravitate toward situations that allow us to be subordinate but useful. Usually submissives prefer to have their Dominants take the lead in public situations (not always, of course) and just get our validation later.

7.      How often to you kneel before your Master?

Every morning, unless one of us (usually him) has to leave before the other gets up. Then before a play scene or if we need a moment to reconnect during a busy or stressful time.

8.      You have been with your Master for a while now, describe your Master in one word?

Multifarious

                  

 

Good Morning Master Reggie…

Good Morning Rebecca and thank you for having us this week. I would like to clear up one minor housekeeping detail if you don’t mind. I don’t go by Master Reggie (for anyone other than Kasi of course, but by Sir Reggie. It is a minor point but I have not been granted the honor of being presented with a Master’s cap by my or any community yet and so don’t presume to use the title Master. By using the title Sir, I can still show my identity as a dominant without expecting recognition for any particular level of expertise.

9.      What’s it like caring for two women?

It is like any other relationship, I have to be aware of their needs and wants and when appropriate, meet those needs and wants. It does require a great deal more work in the communication department and we all have to be willing to compromise to deal with whatever issues may have come up. I try very hard to make sure they each know that I love and appreciate each of them for who THEY are and work to blend the vision and abilities of all of us into a single unified goal. The main difference between what we have and traditional relationships is that I do have a little more variety since I have two women to love instead of just one. It is nice to know that when one of my partners is not really interested in some aspect of my life that I have a better than average chance that the other will, so I almost always have someone I love to share my interests. On the other side of the coin though for any guys considering this lifestyle, remember that with twice the fun comes twice the responsibility and three times the likelihood of ending up in the doghouse.

10.  How do you deal with the occasional female spats?

We are fortunate that we work hard to communicate every day. This helps minimize the problems but since we are all thinking, reasoning human beings it doesn’t take it out altogether. On those rare occasions when spats break out we try and sit down and discuss the problems in a mature and reasonable manner. What usually happens however is I get cranky, yell a little bit and then calm down and we all work through the issue in question. That is one of the benefits/hazards of these types of lifestyle dynamics’, you have to be willing to make your needs known and to recognize the needs of your partners then work toward a compromise that meets the needs of all. These discussions can be quite emotional but when the dust clears we have always been stronger for it in the end.

11.  Can you please explain subspace/headspace?

Great question, but one that will have a different answer from everyone you ask. In my experience it is different for sub space and top space. Sub space is an altered mental state induced by either intense physical stimulation (often due to endorphins) or by the submissive/slave being placed into those situations that stimulate their natural submissive tendencies. As they have been described to me it is a kind of dreamy, floating feeling and makes them feel loved, appreciated, cared for and protected.

 Top space, again in my experience, is experienced by the top/dominant/master when engaged with their partners. For me, it is an intensified feeling of connectivity with my partners and a wonderful exchange of energy between us. It comes when I am able to produce pleasure in my partners or really get into a good M/s experience.

12.  With so many writers out there, writing about the BDSM Community, and yet, most don't experience it...Are we writing the truth? Are we getting it right?

            In my opinion not as many of them do not get it right as I would like to see. They are often close and I do not believe they are intentionally putting out misinformation but without experiencing it and truly understanding the intent behind the lifestyles it is hard to correctly capture the feeling and emotions the mindset of the participants. I think many of them are getting a lot better at it, since it seems like more of them are willing to learn about the lifestyles and not just go for the stimulating or shocking images they can create. Besides many of the mistakes that are made would not be obvious to those who don't live it and so probably doesn't make much difference.

 

            I think that many of the authors who don't live the lifestyles are getting much better at portraying it though. With the groups on FB and Fetlife they are able to research and speak with people and so are getting much, much better. Hopefully that doesn't make me sound like too big an ass.

13.  You live a polyamory life. What do you tell people who are curious about it?

When people ask me about what it means to live a polyamorous lifestyle I tell them it is either the greatest gift to a relationship or the worst curse. It is one of those things that is not for everyone because it takes a great deal of work and commitment as well as a willingness to communicate. When it works there is nothing better but when it doesn’t, it tends to come apart like an exploding bomb.

 What it means in a nutshell is that we believe we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. I have never understood how people can say that a person should limit how many people they love. Love is an infinite commodity, not a limited resource. No one expects me to love only one of my children or one of my parents, so why should I only be able to love one partner?

 I heard a great metaphor for it once and apologize for butchering it but as I recall it went like this. If you have a candle flame, is it diminished by lighting a second candle? A third? A fourth? The answer is no, but you do now have a greater combined flame than any of them alone. Love is no different.

 With each additional person you add to a relationship however you increase the challenges exponentially. It is an amazing way to belong to something greater than yourself and the benefits out weight those challenges if you’re willing to work. The increase in resources to include physical goods, monetary strength, and increased emotional, mental and spiritual support are amazing and I just don’t understand how people can let petty jealousy ruin such a wonderful opportunity.

 

Alright folks…Here are the questions you have been waiting for. Many authors and readers are very curious about just how factual our books are, and are they accurate. As an author of BDSM books, myself, I am also curious about some things…with that…let the questions begin!!!

 

1.      Whips, Chains, floggers or handcuffs? Yes! Oh I bet you wanted a more specific answer, didn’t you? Ok, then it depends on what we are doing. Chains, floggers and handcuffs are always a lot of fun for us. Eeza really likes the sound of a single tail snap and is learning how to use one safely and effectively but doesn’t have a play partner willing to let her use it yet. kasi loves to have floggers used on her and with our side business making chainmail jewelry how could we not love chains? (Lol)

2.      What is a typical warm up for a scene?

That would depend on the type of scene being done. If it is an impact scene then I start out with a combination of soft deer floggers and bare hand massage or thumping to get the blood flowing and the sub space started then work up to the harder blows and thuddier floggers.

If it is a scratching, rope bondage, fire/wax scene or play piercing then the warm up is more about generating the feelings that allow kasi to drop into sub space. We have our rituals that help with that and making sure our connection is strong before playing.

3.      When spanking your sub, how do you keep her focused?

We don’t do a lot of spanking since kasi prefers thud over sting. But when we do things like that taking the time to periodically run my hands through her hair and giving it a good pull helps a lot. Cupping her face, looking into her eyes and reminding her that she is mine help keep us both focused.

4.      Any special tools of the trade, your sub prefers?

Of course, lol. We really enjoy a number of forms of play depending on our mood. Anything pointy or scratchy is automatically a favorite toy for kasi, but she loves the feel of rope against her skin and the endorphin rush associated with play piercing. She is also a big fan of impact play that deals more with thuddy sensations than stingy ones.

Now Eeza does not bottom for me but she does like to explore her own top side when the opportunity arises by playing with crops and canes. She loves to see the texture and feel of skin after using those toys.

5.      Do you deny your sub orgasms?

Yes and no—how is that for an answer? I do require her to seek and gain permission from me before orgasming and I like to play with denying her that permission for a short time while we play. But to me the there is nothing more beautiful than a woman in the throes of a full blown orgasm. So, if anything I probably force more of them on her than she might wish but that is one of the perks of the job.

6.      How long did it take you to train your sub to your specific needs?

I don’t think there is any person, sub or Master, that is ever done being trained to meet the needs of their partner. We as people, regardless of which side of the dynamic, are constantly changing and evolving so our likes and needs change and evolve.

7.      How often does Eeza join in? Or do you satisfy her first then move on to your sub?

One of the compromises I had to make to keep both ladies happy was to ensure that they each had their own alone time with me. So, while we three spend much of our time together, I make sure that on Monday and Wednesday night Eeza gets an hour or two of uninterrupted attention from me and kasi gets the same on Tuesday and Thursday night. We travel a lot and so Friday, Saturday and Sundays are designated as threesome time to accommodate events, travel or my own selfish need for having both ladies at the same time.

8.      What’s the longest BDSM Scene you performed?

I would say probably an hour to an hour and a half. A lot of times the rope bondage and play piercing scenes take longer than the simple flogging or impact scenes. Some of the fire and wax play or body art scenes we have done have taken a while as well but I don’t often time them so it is tough to say.

9.      Can you make your sub orgasm with just one look?

Don’t I wish! Man, I would be the stud then, wouldn’t I? lol I have heard of subs who could allegedly orgasm on command or at a look but have not witnessed it for myself….yet! We do experiment with erotic hypnotism so I haven’t ruled out the possibility but am not holding my breath either.

10.  Music to heighten the mood? If so…what kind?

Absolutely!!! Something with a good beat or a personal favorite can really intensify a scene.

11.  How does it really feel to have your clit slapped, spanked, whipped or whatever!

(Kasi) We don’t do a lot of heavy play of that type. There have been light slaps and bites, which are very nice, but nothing as extreme as whipping.

12.  Is being tied up really comfortable?

(Kasi) Usually. It kind of depends on your mood, your mindset and what you’re hoping to accomplish. Suspensions are not at all comfortable, at least until you get used to it. They’re actually quite painful the first few times. I’m only just starting to develop a tolerance for it. But I do like being tied up in a nice harness or rope dress. For some reason just having a little rope on me actually raises my body temperature by ten degrees or so. It also makes me feel very secure.

13.  What’s it like to see your sub all bound and orgasming?

As is mentioned before, nothing is more beautiful to me than seeing my partners experiencing a full blast, mind blowing orgasm. Add the fact that she is bound and I know that I bound her for both of our pleasure just makes it that much better. Knowing that I have aided in her pleasure is the biggest turn on of all.

14.  How long can you really last?

This is a bit vague and can be taken a lot of different ways. I will choose to take it as how long can our relationship last. To answer that, who knows? I have hopes that it will last forever but just as with any relationship regardless of the dynamic it can end at any time, life is fleeting but I intend to make the most of it for as long as possible.

15.  For a Dom, which do you prefer, the stimulation and gratification of the submission, or the act of sex yourself?

I’m no dummy. I REALLY enjoy the act of sex—BUT nothing is more important to me and therefore more enjoyable than pleasing my partners. I get a real kick out of stimulating and gratifying my partners over and over and over again. Then after they have caught their breath doing it all over again.

16.  Do Eeza and Kasi play…in bed?

There was some experimentation in the beginning but no, not nearly as often as I would like. I love seeing two (or more) beautiful women enjoying one another and the thrill of being able to share pleasuring someone is one of the greatest gifts the ladies can ever give me. I just love to have one of them in the middle while the other and I share making her squirm, such fun.

17.  Finally…last question…I always as my Authors this one question. In your books, is there one particular scene that was inspired you? If so, which one!!!

We would say that many of the scenes have portions of them that we have done. They are embellished of course because we just aren’t that daring in person, lol. Reggie writes a lot of the sex scenes and many of the keyholes scenes are inspired by his fantasies. The sex scenes in the Siren books are what he imagines either Eeza or I would like in those situations even though they have never happened in real life.

                          

 
             

Questions from Readers & Authors…

1.    (From Author Tara Rose)- When a Dom is getting to know a sub, do they go out on dates, like any other couple getting to know one another? I'm assuming they talk about other things like most people do not only about negotiations and safe words and such.

I would say yes if it is for anything other than a onetime play date. BDSM is about the connection between the participants so it is important to get to know the person who you are asking to give you the gift of their submission. Without some connection how can there be the level of trust required for a Dom/sub relationship?

2.    (From Reader)- For Sir Reggie- what kind of discipline do you use on your slave when she misbehaves?

As boring as it sounds I almost never have to discipline kasi. She and I agreed in our contract that if the situation calls for it I can administer corporal punishment but in the six years we have been together I have only done so once and for the life of me I can’t remember the reason now. The majority of the time when I feel she has misbehaved it has stemmed from a miscommunication and as a responsible Master to her how can I punish her for something that is partially my fault? Most of our issues are resolved through discussion and not corporal punishment.

3.    (From Reader)- For Sir Reggie- How long did you train to become a Dom?

I spent the first year going to the club a couple of times a month and watching everything I could and bending the ear of anyone who would share their knowledge with me. I have read everything I can find on the subjects of BDSM, polyamory and power exchange and related topics. We attend approximately 20-25 events a year vending our chainmail with the majority of them being kink related. Each of those events has classes and we make sure to attend at least one lecture each per event. I have even taken a yearlong course on rope bondage (and I passed too) so I would be safe and proficient at it and suspension play. But I would say that I will never finish training to be a good dominant.

4.    (Email from Reader)- For Kasi- Does it hurt when your Master spanks you?

It depends. Most spankings are done for pleasure and not for discipline. When done as play, yes it hurts, but the endorphins that come after it make it definitely worthwhile. I am not a “pain slut,” or someone who can convert extreme pain into sexual pleasure, but I can appreciate the endorphins that come with moderate stimulation!

5.    (Tweet from Reader)- For Eeza- Does your husband control you?

Of course he tries. He has a very dominant personality and likes to be in charge, it just is the way he is. It doesn’t go as far as he would like though.

6.    (From Author Jennifer Denys)- Question about how the polyamory relationship works - I take it, it’s is a full way threesome? And secondly does jealously ever rear its head when you think the other two in the threesome are spending more time together and/or are there times you feel left out?

We do have what I consider to be a full three way relationship. We love one another and respect one another. The ladies are not as physical together as some threesomes might be but each one is particular to the people involved. As to jealousy, unfortunately we have battled that monster from time to time. It was more of a problem in the early days but we are each human and so susceptible to the temptation to blame others for our insecurities instead of looking inside of ourselves for the true root of the problem. When that happens we sit down and discuss the problem until the crying has stopped and the problem is addressed. I recently read two great lines from a Laurell K. Hamilton book called Bullet that I found particularly appropriate to this discussion and would like to share them with you now. First: “A house without love will fall.” What a great statement regardless of if you have a traditional nuclear family, a single parent home or an alternative household. The other was this: “When there is enough love, there is no need for jealousy.” To me that meant as long as your partners know you love, appreciate and value them then jealousy will be less of a problem.

7.    (From Author Jennifer Denys)- Are you exclusive only to yourselves or do you 'play' with others?

At this time we are sexually exclusive to the three of us. We are fluid bonded and do not have any immediate plans to add to the household but you never know what the future holds. As to play, we are mostly exclusive with each other but have done a very limited amount of teaching or helping others experiment with various forms of BDSM play such as rope work, flogging, scratching, violet wand and such.  So, not 100% exclusive but pretty close. In all fairness, though, it is not because any of us have forbidden the others from doing so. The opportunity just doesn’t present itself very often.

BDSM isn’t for everyone, just like not everyone likes strawberry ice-cream; it’s your preferences’ in life that shape who you are, what you are and what you like. Being different is good. Embrace it, live it and most importantly LOVE IT! 

Thank you for taking this journey with me. It has been my pleasure to take you into a new world. I hope you learned as much as I did.

Coming up tomorrow, I have an exclusive with Author Bella Juarez!

Till next time…KEEP READING!!!

Rebecca Joyce