*BDSM SPECIAL* Thursday's Title

*** BDSM SPECIAL***

In a world so mysterious and taboo, finding anyone who is part of the BDSM Lifestyle is hard enough, let alone finding someone willing to talk about it. Luckily I have had the opportunity to sit down and talk with a Master in the BDSM Scene. Living the lifestyle is different than just participating. For Master Reggie Alexander, it’s more than a passing fancy; it’s a commitment, not only to the submissive he has taken on but to himself.

 1.       What led to the lifestlye?

     That is kind of a funny story. My wife and I had been married for almost 20 years (we were high school sweethearts) when we decided that we had seen waaaaaaaay to many of our friends go through really messy divorces. I have always been interested in polyamory but she hadn’t been until that point when we were watching our best friend’s marriage melt down with thermo nuclear force. Anyway she told me one night that we should give my idea of finding a girlfriend to share a try so we spend many, many hours discussing the kind of woman we were interested in finding to join us.

     Anyway, we were very particular at.  It took us about three years until we found someone to ask out, which was Kasi. We met at a Christmas party being thrown by the local poly group and we hit it off right away (our 6 year anniversary of being a triad in this Sunday, Dec 9th btw). We set up another date for the following Saturday at Kasi’s favorite restaurant and during dinner she brought out a book called Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns which is a primer on BDSM and asked if we would be interested in exploring it with her.
     We had toyed with the idea of exploring it earlier in our marriage but really hadn’t done much with it and it seemed like a good idea to try it now since we were already challenging traditional relationship dynamics anyway. So, a few weeks later we visited the local dungeon and the rest is as they say history. We were all hooked by the amazingly genuine and friendly people we met that night and have spent the next six years learning everything possible about the lifestyle dynamics of BDSM, polyamory and power exchange and I for one would never willingly go back to a vanilla relationship. I have fallen deeply enthralled with the intensity these dynamics afford and the amazing connection it promotes. That is probably more than you wanted but as you will see, I like to talk.

2. How did you know you were a dominant?

      That is an easy one, lol. I have always been the guy how somehow managed to be in charge of whatever group I was in. I like to think that it was the right thing to do and it usually worked out ok so I will think it was. Anyway, I am the kind of guy who likes to help those who look to me to be better than they were on their own. That could mean, helping them to reach their full potential or teaching them a new skill or just organizing what needs to be done and then delegating those tasks to whoever was best suited to the task. I have also always had a strong sense of personal responsibility and accountability which has allowed me to make the hard decisions and then accept the consequences for those decisions. All of those things are important traits to me in what a good dominant would be so that is how I identify. I won’t say that I am a good dominant because that would sound cocky but I hope I at least do ok.

3.      What traits did you look for in a submissive?

     To me, a good submissive is someone who is personally responsible, organized and competent. They understand who they are and what their place is in the world. But, most importantly I look for someone who wants to be a part of something bigger than themselves, Someone who can recognize that their skills and abilities will be appreciated and valued by me and are willing to join their vision with mine to accomplish more than either of us could alone. I am extremely luck in that even though my wife, Eeza, does not consider herself a submissive or a slave she is willing to work with Kasi and I to make our jewelry business (www.polyspleasures.com) a success and Kasi, who does identify as a slave has blessed me with a M/s relationship that has allowed us both the opportunity to achieve the lifelong goal we each had of becoming published authors. I couldn’t be more lucky than to have the two beautiful woman in life that I do.

4.      How do you stay in 'Dom Mode' 24/7?

     I would be a fool to say that I stay in Dom mode 24/7. I do the best I can but life intrudes on us all. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have the occasional bad day and who acts like an ass which is not a very Dom like behavior. I try to limit those and my success at that depends on who you ask, lol. But Kasi and I have a set of rituals that we try and do every morning that helps me stay in the right mindset to be in Dom mode most of the time.

5.      Have you ever publicly done a scene with your sub?

     The short answer is yes. For the first year and a bit we went to the local club several times a month but never played in public. We spent our time watching, talking with others more knowledgeable than ourselves, reading books and taking classes to learn as much as possible. We did use the time at the club to work on Kasi’s low self image (at the time, it is much better now) by requiring her to wear outfits to the club that I chose for her. They were more revealing than she preferred but over time allowed her to accept her body as beautiful and sexy and now I have a tough time keeping her clothed, lol.

     As we grew in our confidence in our ability to play safely we started to play in public and now have played publicly at events all over the country. We even won a local contest last November called the MacGyver Dom competition. In that contest the Dom draws for a play station and is given a bag of miscellaneous goofy household items and they have 20 minutes to come up with a scene and then 30 minutes to do the scene. The crowd votes and the best scene wins. It was soooo cool to win, muhahahahahahaahah.

6.      Did you require your sub to sign a contract?

     Absolutely! We researched contracts and then crafted one that spelled out how we would treat one another, what behaviors were appropriate for each of us, what was expected of each of us, how we would address one another, how we would handle disputes and number of other items. When we had it in a form acceptable to both of us we signed it and had a time limit of 6 months that it was valid. At the end of the 6 months we revisited it and modified it as life had taught us that it needed to be and then signed another 6 month contract. At the end of that contract we knew that this was a lifestyle we enjoyed and that we wanted to continue to explore it together so we fine tuned it once more time and signed it without a time limit. We don’t use it as much as we used to at this point but it is still the framework our relationship is built around and helps us stay focused.

7.      Have you collared your sub? If so, how did you know she was the one for you?

     Yes, I am honored to have Kasi wear my collar. About 5 years ago I presented my collar to her and asked her to accept me as her Master full time and happily she agreed. I am lucky in the fact that we own and operate a handmade chainmail jewelry business as a family so I was able to make her collar myself. It passes as a necklace and so is appropriate in the vanilla world but we are well enough known around the country know that most in the kink world also recognize it as the symbol that it is meant to be. For those who don’t know, a submissives collar is often as important to them as a symbol of their relationship as a wedding ring is to someone in a traditional relationship. We have been able to accomplish so much personally, professionally and spiritually that I knew she was the right slave for me. I am fortunate to have an amazing slave in Kasi and a wonderful wife in Eeza and so have the best of both worlds.

8.      Are you any different than any other boyfriend, husband or lover out there?

     Of course I am, I am super Reggie, lol. But seriously I try not to judge myself against what other partners do and just try to do the best by my partners that I can. I make sure I always remember, birthdays, anniversaries, important dates and such and absolutely love to see my ladies happy. Just like many out there I like to spoil them when I can and to share the important parts of life with them.

 Thank you Rebecca so much for hosting us this week. We have loved every minute of it and look forward to chatting with you tomorrow. Anyone who wants to throw a question at us as well, we would love to answer them to. See you all soon. - Master Reggie

 

Well folks, there you have it. From the mouth of the Master himself. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s, Friday Frank Talk, where I will finally have all three of them together, in an in depth conversation that will leave nothing to the imagination.

Till then, KEEP READING!!!

Rebecca Joyce

Bio for Reggie Alexander
Reggie Alexander lives with his wife, Eeza and their girlfriend and partner Kasi in a polyamorus triad in the Denver Colorado area. He and Kasi have a 24/7 Master/slave relationship which they use to grow and improve both their personal and professional lives. They are active in the local BDSM community and love to educate other about the lifestyles they lead. They can often be found presenting at conferences around the country on the topics of BDSM, polyamory, power exchange and writing as well as selling their handmade chain mail jewelry and clothing through their family business, Poly’s Pleasures Chainmail. Reggie enjoys reading, writing and riding his Vulcan motorcycle when he can’t be on a sandy beach holding an umbrella drink.

 

Myths & Interesting Facts:

Myth #5-  That kinky people enjoy shocking the vanilla people. Ok, there may be some truth to this for some members of the lifestyle but certainly not all. Many of us believe that the core principal of the BDSM lifestyle is consensual, negotiated activity. If we take our slave to the grocery store on a leash, yes we may get a small thrill out of the sheer naughtiness of the behavior, but we would be involving anyone who saw us in our scene. Those people may or may not be offended by what we are doing but that isn’t the point. The point is that they were never negotiated with and they never gave their consent to being brought into the scene by witnessing it. In my opinion, it is both rude to the people forced to witness our actions without consent and detrimental to our cause. There are a lot of us out there working very hard to, if not make our lifestyles accepted at least make them tolerable to the majority which is the first step on the long road to legitimize it.

Myth #6 –  That at every club there is a long line of submissives hoping to be picked to play with the hot Master. Response – As a Master I wish this were true, it would be like every penthouse letter, “I never thought it would happen to me…” which is true. I never thought it would happen to me because in my experience it doesn’t, that isn’t the way it works. I have been fortunate enough to have been able to attend clubs all across the country either at kink and leather events or by invitation. Never have I seen a line of submissives waiting for the Dom of the day to stroll in and start picking people to play with, it just doesn’t happen. Many of the people who go to clubs already have their play partners and the ones who do manage to find new play partners do so ,usually, only after extensive discussions and negotiations. Now the exception to this is when you have a recognized expert in some form of play, then you might, I repeat might, have several people who wish to experience whatever that Master is known for. It is a hot fantasy but just doesn’t usually happen in real life.

Interesting fact – The following information was taken from an article written by a current Shibari master known as Tatu (http://www.ds-arts.com/RopeArt/History.html ) : I have studied shibari and am skilled but not a master of the art and thought it might be of interest to your readers since it is a common art form associated with BDSM.
Japanese rope bondage as an erotic art form, really is not that old. Many labor under the illusion that it goes back for centuries, but in reality is only a few decades old going back to only the late 1800's or early 1900's. Hojojutsu on the other hand was the Japanese martial art of using a rope (torinawa) to capture, restrain and transport suspects and criminals in Japan during the Middle Ages and Early Modern periods; practiced by the Torimono, but there was nothing sensuous about it. Because bondage was considered a shameful practice, the legal captor used no knots thus out of respect allowed the person arrested no shame. According to Dr. Richard Clever's translations of law enforcement manuals from the Edo Period in 1998, there were four rules of hojojutsu:
1. Not to allow the prisoner to slip his bonds.
2. Not to cause any physical or mental injury.
3. Not to allow others to see the techniques.
4. To make the result beautiful to look at.
Source: Dr Richard Cleaver's translation of Edo Period Law Enforcement documents. See: Hojojutsu by Dr Richard Cleaver

Interesting fact – Many of the toys used in various forms of play associated with BDSM are expensive and created by skilled craftsman using an amazing array of materials. Little known however is the fact that a trip to your local hardware store and the expenditure of a very small amount of money can result in a wide array of toys you can use if you’re willing to put your imagination to work and create your own pervertables. Did you know for example that you can make your own wartenberg wheel by taking a small paint roller and gluing thumbtacks to it, point side out. It costs pennies to make and provides hours of fun. A vampire glove can be made from a rabbit pelt and any small pointy fasteners you wish to poke through the pelt. If you have never used a vampire glove, do yourself and your partner a favor and try one the next time you give a massage. The number of toys is only limited by your imagination. I have even helped build a medieval rack for our leather family last year, it turned out really cool.