**** B.D.S.M. SPECIAL****
Friday’s
Frank Talk
Welcome
to a BDSM Special Edition of Friday’s Frank Talk. This whole week I have been
delving deep into the elusive world of BDSM. So far I have introduced to you some
wonderful writer’s and their works as they live their lives in the BDSM World.
Today, these INTRIGUEING Authors have
agreed to sit down with me in a very personal interview not only to discuss
their works, but what it’s like living the lifestyle they write about.
This
whole week has been very eye-opening for me. I have learned a great many things
about BDSM that I never knew before, like how it all began to abuse of power.
Through it all I have learned that not everything is as it seems and mainly
it’s a LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
Please
welcome, Master Reggie Alexander, Eeza Alexander and Slave Kasi!
Good
Morning everyone and thank you for being here, typically I start right on in
with the fun questions, but today, there are some questions that readers want to
know before we get to the good stuff. I’ll start with them first.
Master Reggie…Can you please introduce these two
lovely ladies…
Absolutely; I would love to, first is my lovely wife Eeza.
She and I have been married for 28 years and were high school sweethearts. My
other beautiful partner is my slave Kasi. She has been a part of our lives for
the past six years.
If it’s alright with you Master Reggie, I would like
to start with the Eeza…
1.
Good Morning
Eeza. This whole week, I have been interviewing your husband and his
submissive. Readers are curious about you. Are you a submissive too?
Ha
ha, I would say politely NO! The whole power exchange thing is something I
don’t have a lot of interest in but if I were, and yes Reggie wishes I were
submissive, I would probably be a brat. To me a brat is someone who is
submissive but strong willed and not as compliant as many submissives.
2.
What is your
role in this trio?
I
view my role in this trio as being a supportive wife and partner. I work hard
with Reggie and Kasi in the chainmail business and am working to join them in
the ranks of published authors. I am a bit slower at getting my WIP done but it
is coming along.
3.
Do you
participate in the D/s scene with your husband?
No,
that is their thing but I do support their dynamic and encourage them to
explore it.
4.
How well do you
and Kasi get along? Are there any spats?
We
get along pretty well. In the beginning it was awful, I thought we had all of
the issues worked out before we had her join us but once it was real I found I
had a lot of jealousy issues. Reggie was not as good at juggling the new
dynamic then as he is now, but it was new and had a steep learning curve. Now
kasi and I get along well and spend a lot of time together.
5.
Who does most of
the cooking?
Kasi
and I split it, she cooks the first half of the week and I cook the second
half. She likes to prepare low carb meals and I like to prepare new twists on a
gluten free diet. We recently had to start that for our daughters and the low
carb and gluten free work pretty well together so it is a fun adventure.
6.
When in public,
does your husband show affection to Kasi? If so, who does that make you feel?
Yes,
he shows both of us affection in public. Every once in a while I do get a spark
of jealousy and I have to reign it in and focus on the healthy relationship
that we have.
7.
Most women today
can barely handle one man, let alone another woman in a relationship. How do
you do it?
Lots
and Lots of patience, lol. When things are challenging I just focus on the
benefits of the relationship and let go of the bad thoughts. I have learned a
number of coping techniques, like taking bubble baths and reading so I have
the time to think before I say things
that I don’t mean. It keeps me from hurting those I love with meaningless
anger.
8.
Looking back
over the years, are you happy with the decision you made to include Kasi into
your home?
Yes!
I am glad we brought her into our relationship. It has made my husband a
happier person. Her addition has allowed us to accomplish many of the goals
that we hadn’t managed before she joined us like starting a family business.
There is never any loneliness either; there is always someone to share time
with.
9.
Are you happy
where your life has taken you?
Yes,
I am very happy and looking forward to see where the future will lead us.
Good Morning Kasi.
1.
This week, I had
the opportunity to talk with you and you told me you were once married. How did
your former marriage shape you to where you are today?
My
ex-husband was the one who introduced me to BDSM. He had gotten involved online,
but he wasn’t willing to go to any public BDSM places. We were both submissive,
as well, so I got a good idea of what I did and didn’t want in a partner after
that marriage ended and I began looking around.
2.
You wear a
collar. Can you please tell me what that collar means to you?
My
collar symbolizes my commitment to our relationship. It’s not unlike a wedding
ring, although there are no legal implications. To me it simply means that I
won’t leave the relationship without putting everything I have into making it
work.
3.
In your very
first public scene, can you describe how you were feeling?
Very
exposed, very vulnerable, very nervous. It’s not easy to get used to being
undressed in public—probably for just about anybody. Fortunately having been
around the clubs and knowing that all body types, sizes and ages are
appreciated and nobody was going to judge me for not being perfect helped a
lot. Once you get past that fear, the play aspect is actually much easier to
get used to.
4.
A reader wants
to know…Are you a good sub or a naughty sub?
Of
course I TRY to be good. J I do take my role very seriously, since I chose it. My goal is
to use our M/s relationship to help me develop into the best person I can be.
But then, no one can be good 100% of the time, can they? I admit I have things
I like to tease Sir about, but he usually takes it pretty well.
5.
Where do you
sleep?
We
all sleep in the same bed.
6.
Research shows
that most submissives tend to be quiet, very organized, and eager to help but
yet shy away from attention and praise. Is that true?
In
my experience, most submissives are that way, although usually the ones who are
ultra-organized and efficient tend to think of themselves as slaves, since it
has a more serious sound. We tend to gravitate toward situations that allow us
to be subordinate but useful. Usually submissives prefer to have their
Dominants take the lead in public situations (not always, of course) and just
get our validation later.
7.
How often to you
kneel before your Master?
Every
morning, unless one of us (usually him) has to leave before the other gets up.
Then before a play scene or if we need a moment to reconnect during a busy or
stressful time.
8.
You have been
with your Master for a while now, describe your Master in one word?
Multifarious
Good Morning Master Reggie…
Good Morning Rebecca and thank you for
having us this week. I would like to clear up one minor housekeeping detail if
you don’t mind. I don’t go by Master Reggie (for anyone other than Kasi of
course, but by Sir Reggie. It is a minor point but I have not been granted the
honor of being presented with a Master’s cap by my or any community yet and so
don’t presume to use the title Master. By using the title Sir, I can still show
my identity as a dominant without expecting recognition for any particular
level of expertise.
9.
What’s it like
caring for two women?
It
is like any other relationship, I have to be aware of their needs and wants and
when appropriate, meet those needs and wants. It does require a great deal more
work in the communication department and we all have to be willing to
compromise to deal with whatever issues may have come up. I try very hard to
make sure they each know that I love and appreciate each of them for who THEY
are and work to blend the vision and abilities of all of us into a single
unified goal. The main difference between what we have and traditional
relationships is that I do have a little more variety since I have two women to
love instead of just one. It is nice to know that when one of my partners is
not really interested in some aspect of my life that I have a better than
average chance that the other will, so I almost always have someone I love to
share my interests. On the other side of the coin though for any guys
considering this lifestyle, remember that with twice the fun comes twice the
responsibility and three times the likelihood of ending up in the doghouse.
10.
How do you deal
with the occasional female spats?
We
are fortunate that we work hard to communicate every day. This helps minimize
the problems but since we are all thinking, reasoning human beings it doesn’t
take it out altogether. On those rare occasions when spats break out we try and
sit down and discuss the problems in a mature and reasonable manner. What
usually happens however is I get cranky, yell a little bit and then calm down
and we all work through the issue in question. That is one of the
benefits/hazards of these types of lifestyle dynamics’, you have to be willing
to make your needs known and to recognize the needs of your partners then work
toward a compromise that meets the needs of all. These discussions can be quite
emotional but when the dust clears we have always been stronger for it in the
end.
11.
Can you please
explain subspace/headspace?
Great
question, but one that will have a different answer from everyone you ask. In
my experience it is different for sub space and top space. Sub space is an
altered mental state induced by either intense physical stimulation (often due
to endorphins) or by the submissive/slave being placed into those situations
that stimulate their natural submissive tendencies. As they have been described
to me it is a kind of dreamy, floating feeling and makes them feel loved,
appreciated, cared for and protected.
12.
With so many
writers out there, writing about the BDSM Community, and yet, most don't
experience it...Are we writing the truth? Are we getting it right?
In my
opinion not as many of them do not get it right as I would like to see. They
are often close and I do not believe they are intentionally putting out
misinformation but without experiencing it and truly understanding the intent
behind the lifestyles it is hard to correctly capture the feeling and emotions the
mindset of the participants. I think many of them are getting a lot better at
it, since it seems like more of them are willing to learn about the lifestyles
and not just go for the stimulating or shocking images they can create. Besides
many of the mistakes that are made would not be obvious to those who don't live
it and so probably doesn't make much difference.
I
think that many of the authors who don't live the lifestyles are getting much
better at portraying it though. With the groups on FB and Fetlife they are able
to research and speak with people and so are getting much, much better.
Hopefully that doesn't make me sound like too big an ass.
13.
You live a polyamory
life. What do you tell people who are curious about it?
When
people ask me about what it means to live a polyamorous lifestyle I tell them
it is either the greatest gift to a relationship or the worst curse. It is one
of those things that is not for everyone because it takes a great deal of work
and commitment as well as a willingness to communicate. When it works there is
nothing better but when it doesn’t, it tends to come apart like an exploding
bomb.
1.
Whips, Chains,
floggers or handcuffs? Yes!
Oh I bet you wanted a more specific answer, didn’t you? Ok, then it depends on
what we are doing. Chains, floggers and handcuffs are always a lot of fun for
us. Eeza really likes the sound of a single tail snap and is learning how to
use one safely and effectively but doesn’t have a play partner willing to let
her use it yet. kasi loves to have floggers used on her and with our side
business making chainmail jewelry how could we not love chains? (Lol)
2.
What is a
typical warm up for a scene?
That
would depend on the type of scene being done. If it is an impact scene then I
start out with a combination of soft deer floggers and bare hand massage or
thumping to get the blood flowing and the sub space started then work up to the
harder blows and thuddier floggers.
If
it is a scratching, rope bondage, fire/wax scene or play piercing then the warm
up is more about generating the feelings that allow kasi to drop into sub
space. We have our rituals that help with that and making sure our connection
is strong before playing.
3.
When spanking
your sub, how do you keep her focused?
We
don’t do a lot of spanking since kasi prefers thud over sting. But when we do
things like that taking the time to periodically run my hands through her hair
and giving it a good pull helps a lot. Cupping her face, looking into her eyes
and reminding her that she is mine help keep us both focused.
4.
Any special
tools of the trade, your sub prefers?
Of
course, lol. We really enjoy a number of forms of play depending on our mood.
Anything pointy or scratchy is automatically a favorite toy for kasi, but she
loves the feel of rope against her skin and the endorphin rush associated with
play piercing. She is also a big fan of impact play that deals more with thuddy
sensations than stingy ones.
Now
Eeza does not bottom for me but she does like to explore her own top side when
the opportunity arises by playing with crops and canes. She loves to see the
texture and feel of skin after using those toys.
5.
Do you deny your
sub orgasms?
Yes
and no—how is that for an answer? I do require her to seek and gain permission
from me before orgasming and I like to play with denying her that permission
for a short time while we play. But to me the there is nothing more beautiful
than a woman in the throes of a full blown orgasm. So, if anything I probably
force more of them on her than she might wish but that is one of the perks of
the job.
6.
How long did it
take you to train your sub to your specific needs?
I
don’t think there is any person, sub or Master, that is ever done being trained
to meet the needs of their partner. We as people, regardless of which side of
the dynamic, are constantly changing and evolving so our likes and needs change
and evolve.
7.
How often does
Eeza join in? Or do you satisfy her first then move on to your sub?
One
of the compromises I had to make to keep both ladies happy was to ensure that
they each had their own alone time with me. So, while we three spend much of
our time together, I make sure that on Monday and Wednesday night Eeza gets an
hour or two of uninterrupted attention from me and kasi gets the same on
Tuesday and Thursday night. We travel a lot and so Friday, Saturday and Sundays
are designated as threesome time to accommodate events, travel or my own
selfish need for having both ladies at the same time.
8.
What’s the
longest BDSM Scene you performed?
I
would say probably an hour to an hour and a half. A lot of times the rope
bondage and play piercing scenes take longer than the simple flogging or impact
scenes. Some of the fire and wax play or body art scenes we have done have
taken a while as well but I don’t often time them so it is tough to say.
9.
Can you make
your sub orgasm with just one look?
Don’t
I wish! Man, I would be the stud then, wouldn’t I? lol I have heard of subs who
could allegedly orgasm on command or at a look but have not witnessed it for
myself….yet! We do experiment with erotic hypnotism so I haven’t ruled out the
possibility but am not holding my breath either.
10.
Music to
heighten the mood? If so…what kind?
Absolutely!!!
Something with a good beat or a personal favorite can really intensify a scene.
11.
How does it
really feel to have your clit slapped, spanked, whipped or whatever!
(Kasi)
We don’t do a lot of heavy play of that type. There have been light slaps and
bites, which are very nice, but nothing as extreme as whipping.
12.
Is being tied up
really comfortable?
(Kasi)
Usually. It kind of depends on your mood, your mindset and what you’re hoping
to accomplish. Suspensions are not at all comfortable, at least until you get
used to it. They’re actually quite painful the first few times. I’m only just
starting to develop a tolerance for it. But I do like being tied up in a nice
harness or rope dress. For some reason just having a little rope on me actually
raises my body temperature by ten degrees or so. It also makes me feel very
secure.
13.
What’s it like
to see your sub all bound and orgasming?
As
is mentioned before, nothing is more beautiful to me than seeing my partners
experiencing a full blast, mind blowing orgasm. Add the fact that she is bound
and I know that I bound her for both of our pleasure just makes it that much
better. Knowing that I have aided in her pleasure is the biggest turn on of
all.
14.
How long can you
really last?
This
is a bit vague and can be taken a lot of different ways. I will choose to take
it as how long can our relationship last. To answer that, who knows? I have
hopes that it will last forever but just as with any relationship regardless of
the dynamic it can end at any time, life is fleeting but I intend to make the
most of it for as long as possible.
15.
For a Dom, which
do you prefer, the stimulation and gratification of the submission, or the act
of sex yourself?
I’m
no dummy. I REALLY enjoy the act of sex—BUT nothing is more important to me and
therefore more enjoyable than pleasing my partners. I get a real kick out of
stimulating and gratifying my partners over and over and over again. Then after
they have caught their breath doing it all over again.
16.
Do Eeza and Kasi
play…in bed?
There
was some experimentation in the beginning but no, not nearly as often as I
would like. I love seeing two (or more) beautiful women enjoying one another
and the thrill of being able to share pleasuring someone is one of the greatest
gifts the ladies can ever give me. I just love to have one of them in the
middle while the other and I share making her squirm, such fun.
17.
Finally…last
question…I always as my Authors this one question. In your books, is there one
particular scene that was inspired you? If so, which one!!!
We
would say that many of the scenes have portions of them that we have done. They
are embellished of course because we just aren’t that daring in person, lol.
Reggie writes a lot of the sex scenes and many of the keyholes scenes are
inspired by his fantasies. The sex scenes in the Siren books
are what he imagines either Eeza or I would like in those situations even
though they have never happened in real life.
Questions from Readers & Authors…
1.
(From Author Tara Rose)-
When a Dom is getting to know a sub, do they go out on dates, like any other
couple getting to know one another? I'm assuming they talk about other things
like most people do not only about negotiations and safe words and such.
I would say yes if it is for
anything other than a onetime play date. BDSM is about the connection between
the participants so it is important to get to know the person who you are
asking to give you the gift of their submission. Without some connection how
can there be the level of trust required for a Dom/sub relationship?
2.
(From Reader)- For Sir
Reggie- what kind of discipline do you use on your slave when she misbehaves?
As boring as it sounds I
almost never have to discipline kasi. She and I agreed in our contract that if
the situation calls for it I can administer corporal punishment but in the six
years we have been together I have only done so once and for the life of me I
can’t remember the reason now. The majority of the time when I feel she has
misbehaved it has stemmed from a miscommunication and as a responsible Master
to her how can I punish her for something that is partially my fault? Most of
our issues are resolved through discussion and not corporal punishment.
3.
(From Reader)- For Sir
Reggie- How long did you train to become a Dom?
I spent the first year going
to the club a couple of times a month and watching everything I could and
bending the ear of anyone who would share their knowledge with me. I have read
everything I can find on the subjects of BDSM, polyamory and power exchange and
related topics. We attend approximately 20-25 events a year vending our
chainmail with the majority of them being kink related. Each of those events
has classes and we make sure to attend at least one lecture each per event. I have
even taken a yearlong course on rope bondage (and I passed too) so I would be
safe and proficient at it and suspension play. But I would say that I will
never finish training to be a good dominant.
4.
(Email from Reader)- For
Kasi- Does it hurt when your Master spanks you?
It depends. Most spankings are
done for pleasure and not for discipline. When done as play, yes it hurts, but
the endorphins that come after it make it definitely worthwhile. I am not a
“pain slut,” or someone who can convert extreme pain into sexual pleasure, but
I can appreciate the endorphins that come with moderate stimulation!
5.
(Tweet from Reader)- For
Eeza- Does your husband control you?
Of course he tries. He has a
very dominant personality and likes to be in charge, it just is the way he is.
It doesn’t go as far as he would like though.
6.
(From Author Jennifer Denys)-
Question about how the polyamory relationship works - I take it, it’s is a full
way threesome? And secondly does jealously ever rear its head when you think
the other two in the threesome are spending more time together and/or are there
times you feel left out?
We do have what I consider to
be a full three way relationship. We love one another and respect one another.
The ladies are not as physical together as some threesomes might be but each
one is particular to the people involved. As to jealousy, unfortunately we have
battled that monster from time to time. It was more of a problem in the early
days but we are each human and so susceptible to the temptation to blame others
for our insecurities instead of looking inside of ourselves for the true root
of the problem. When that happens we sit down and discuss the problem until the
crying has stopped and the problem is addressed. I recently read two great
lines from a Laurell K. Hamilton book called Bullet that I found particularly
appropriate to this discussion and would like to share them with you now.
First: “A house without love will fall.” What a great statement regardless of
if you have a traditional nuclear family, a single parent home or an
alternative household. The other was this: “When there is enough love, there is
no need for jealousy.” To me that meant as long as your partners know you love,
appreciate and value them then jealousy will be less of a problem.
7.
(From Author Jennifer Denys)-
Are you exclusive only to yourselves or do you 'play' with others?
At this time we are sexually exclusive to
the three of us. We are fluid bonded and do not have any immediate plans to add
to the household but you never know what the future holds. As to play, we are
mostly exclusive with each other but have done a very limited amount of
teaching or helping others experiment with various forms of BDSM play such as
rope work, flogging, scratching, violet wand and such. So, not 100% exclusive but pretty close. In
all fairness, though, it is not because any of us have forbidden the others
from doing so. The opportunity just doesn’t present itself very often.
BDSM isn’t for everyone, just like not everyone
likes strawberry ice-cream; it’s your preferences’ in life that shape who you
are, what you are and what you like. Being different is good. Embrace it, live
it and most importantly LOVE IT!
Thank you for taking this journey with me. It has
been my pleasure to take you into a new world. I hope you learned as much as I
did.
Coming up tomorrow, I have an exclusive with Author
Bella Juarez!
Till next time…KEEP READING!!!
Rebecca Joyce
