Welcome to Wednesday's Rants brought to you by, 400mg of Motrin, a heating pad and a pulled muscle! Ouch!
Yeah folks, that's right, somehow, don't know how, or when but I can tell ya it friggin hurts! Somewhere in the middle of my back right under my left shoulder blade, I have pulled a muscle, that is not only effecting the way I sit, walk, and move, but it's now beginning to mess with my neck! So yeah, close your eyes and picture Quasimodo and him saying..."Yez Master" as he drags one foot along, hunched over in pain and that's ME!!! Total gimp/mother of the friggin year and in pain.
Of course, you would think having two teenage boys, a pre-teen daughter and a husband (who is legally obligated to love me) that they would help their poor, hurting mother/wife out, right? NOPE! Last night my teens wanted to know when dinner was gonna be done, the pre-teen wanted to know if I was still gonna take her to the mall, and the husband (you remember, the one LEGALLY OBLIGATED to love me) yeah, well he ran out of beer mid way threw some friggin college basketball game, and asked me to go get him more! Are you friggin kiddin' me, I can barely hold my head up on my shoulders but hold on...I'll cook dinner, drive ya to the mall and get you another case of fuckin beer!
Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids (Only because I am biologically supposed to!) but I am seriously beginning to fear for their future spouses! As for the Husband (the one Legally Obligated to love & care for me) yeah, well...He had the bright idea of Stretching & Exercising the muscle (and NO I am NOT talking about in the pleasurable way!) That brings me to another point, My hubby, not only is he the Temperature Police, he is also a KNOW-IT-ALL!!! The guy takes one...count em' 1, ONE, Health & Fitness Class and he is fucking Dr. Spock! (God please help me!)
So picture this...I am on the floor (don't ask how I got down there, that is still a blur) and Hubby has me doing Yoga moves that are humanly IMPOSSIBLE to do! My favorite was when my 210 pound husband decided to put his weight on my back (cause it helps relieve the pressure, he says!) Oh yeah, if I could have reached my gun, I would have been a widow last night! Needless to say...my Genius Husband only made it worse, but he IS THE EXPERT, so I went along with it. So after my torturous yoga experience, my beautiful neighbor decides she has the perfect remedy...Her medicine Cabinet!
OMG! Love my neighbor, but since I never take anything stronger than Motrin or Tynonal, I quickly refused, but did accept a Lidocaine Patch, that is supposed to numb the area for up to 12 hours...Yeah...that's still sitting on the kitchen counter.
So, with Thanksgiving one day away, and lots of baking on the agenda for today, I have no other option but to buck up and deal with it...cause we all know, those damn cookies & pies wont cook themselves and if the Turkey isn't in the oven by 6am tomorrow morning there will be a small rebellion in my future. Alas, that is the only option for a mother/wife...oh, and don't forget the Alcohol!
Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving Everyone!